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exploits of three kids in the city.

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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2006|06:54 pm]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
I went on a 'date' with a musician. He was hot. The fact that his music was great, too, and that I liked it before I met him probably added to his stock. Anyway, he was kind of hard to read until o hay! he wanted to "watch a movie," which we all know means "I want to bone you." Not being a total retard (this time), I just made out with him and let him feel me up, because he was hot. The fact that I didn't get naked probably added to my stock, but fucking a, he was saying the sexiest things. It wasn't easy to keep my pants (all the way) on. He was all about me and asked if he could call me the next day. I, of course, thought he was playing a game and wouldn't call, but o hay! he did. I didn't answer. I called him back the next night, and he didn't answer. I left a voicemail. The next day, I noticed that he deleted me from his Myspace, the bane of my existence. I was confused, but wisely refused to call/text/message him about it. Instead, I just put up a hot default photo. Playing dirty. Two nights later, he calls and wants to hang out. Commence more confusion. I accept. He calls me the night we're going to hang out, and tells me that he's "kind of seeing this girl on and off, but it's not really working out," and he "doesn't want to make me any promises or hurt my feelings." I tell him I appreciate it, even though I already had an inkling from his non-music Myspace profile, which stipulated "in a relationship." And now I'm going to go meet him. And I made sure to look really hot, in that "I'm not trying" way. Let's see what happens. I refuse to sleep with him. At least that's the pre-wine me speaking, but I'm going to stand my ground. Fuck this guy. The plan is to make him fall in love with me by being elusive, and then dropping him like 4th period French.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2006|12:50 am]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
[Current Mood |bitchybitchy]

Mr. Right Then asked me to dinner unexpectedly. Because I had dressed particularly well for a hot coworker, he kept on telling me how beautiful I looked. Wearing a little black dress, shiny hair, and little makeup (save some fantastic fake eyelashes), I was inclined to agree. I was being a tease because I knew he was all about it and I just wanted to go home after working overtime, but o hay! I ended up driving home with him for a quickie. He was especially aggressive, and I felt one of my eyelashes slipping off as he was going down on me. In what I thought to be a slick move, I grabbed a pillow and covered my face with it, pretending like I was worried I was going to be too loud, and yanked off both eyelashes, stuffing them underneath my pile of clothes. Thinking myself clever, I tossed the pillow aside, and he moved on top of me.

"I think you lost your eyelashes," he noted.

I was so pissed! I hadn't been expecting to be getting hammered that night, or else I wouldn't have wasted 5 minutes of precious sleeping time gluing them on that morning.

At least my (engaged) coworker thought they were real.
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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2006|08:31 am]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
[Current Mood |tiredtired]

o the internet. you give me so many options for casual encounters.

today i'll talk about a one [in car] night stand.
met some random guy [aren't they all?] on myspace. let's call him, robert. he was all about me, and kept messaging me wanting to "hang out." we all know what "hanging out" is-- maybe a little making out, some head and of course, depending on how the sexual innuendos were, penetration.
the more and more we exchanged messages, i came to find out, he had a girlfriend! [fucking azn! and ugggly...azns are either hot, or REAL ugly it's black and white with them.] and to top it off with a cherry, get this...he lived with her! so why are you messaging me? o hay! she goes on business trips so he's an asshole and wants to cheat on her. red flag, right? well, since we are in the 2000's major points for me is when they have pictures. his peen was huge, it kept me interested.
i back off a little bit when i found out the news of the ugly live-in azn gf, but he was a persistent mother fucker.
his emails came in daily and i would respond every so often when my internet lurking got old. it's always the late nights when crazy shit happens. i should learn to just call it a night and go the fuck to bed, but no, i choose to stay online one particular night and IM him for a few hours. before i knew it i was talked into just driving over to his house, downtown to meet him for a bit, because he just had to see me and talk to me in person. aka, let's bone in your car since my girlfriend is sleeping in my house.
i'm crazy right? hell yes i did it. but wtf! he wasn't as cute as his photos, but his peen was just like the pictures. some making out, led to him going down on me, to o hay! if it isn't penetration, then it isn't worth the kiss. poor bastard, i think the internet talk had him all flustered because he got off in about two minutes. he apologized and said for me to wait in two days when the azn leaves, so he can really get the job done. i agreed, just to shut him up. he gave me a hug and leaned in to kiss me, but i pulled back and did not return the kiss.
when he finally vacated my car i watched him walk back to his house and i knew i was going to never see him again. what kind of situation could that turn into? nothing great.

exactly two days later, i received a phone call telling me that he was free that day, blah blah blah. i didn't return his call. the very next day, he sent an email wondering where i was...then another email, and another. are you kidding me? i finally emailed him back telling him he was really bad and he couldn't even redeem himself, and to keep practicing on his azn before he tried to give the gift of his peen elsewhere. no response.
i hope he's practicing.
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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2006|12:40 am]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
[Current Mood |pissed offpissed off]

Let me tell you about The Virgin.  Yeah, what was I thinking, right?  He had a cock the size of a coke can, and it hurt, mostly because he didn't know what the fuck he was doing and I wasn't into it enough to show him otherwise.  It lasted about 4 minutes, me lying there all dumbstruck, and then he came and drooled on my face.  Not a little bit of spit; full on DROOL.  I was so pissed.  I used his shirt to wipe it off, and I don't think he even noticed.  He calls me sometimes now, even though he has a girlfriend, trying to get me to repeat the experience, but I like to keep my face relatively clean.  At least when it comes to someone with shit breath and saliva issues.
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Friends with Benefits, y/n? [Dec. 14th, 2006|12:17 am]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
[Current Mood |apatheticapathetic]

I started sleeping with a guy who wanted to have a close emotional bond, lots of sex, but no relationship.  That was fine with me because even though he had a good body, he's ugly and I wouldn't have wanted to introduce him to my friends.  You can't fix ugly.  I don't get it, though.  He called, wanted to hang out, and wanted to cuddle after sex.  I hated it.  I just wanted him to get me off and then leave.  He's one of those white boys who's all about the Asians, too.  Everything about him was annoying, but his penis was so big that I let it slide for a while, ie: a month or so, before I stopped returning his calls and texts.... because you know what?  My vibrator is way more consistent and shuts up after I have an orgasm.
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D----- [Dec. 14th, 2006|12:00 am]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
[Current Mood |indifferentindifferent]

Funny enough, I met D---- on livejournal. Or was it Myspace? Same thing. Anyway, we talked a lot, he told me all the things I wanted to hear, and I flew across the country to meet him. He told me loved me, right? Literally across the country. When he picked me up at the airport (late), I was glad he wasn't as ugly as my friends thought he would be. He was dirty, but in that hot, Jew-fro kind of way. He put his hand on my thigh in the cab, and we went home and started fooling around. I let him go down on me, and it wasn't that great. And I found out he had a small penis, which was depressing because he was half Jewish, and I thought they were supposed to have big ones. Wrong half, I guess. Anyway, the next day, we slept together, and it wasn't great. In fact, it wasn't even good- I faked it. I thought I loved the guy though, so I was all about it. We slept together every day and night for the next week, and I faked it every time. I got on my flight home still really drunk from the previous night's whiskey, and he left me with professions of love. He called me all the time for a week, and blah blah blah it's been 7 months and we don't talk anymore unless he calls me really drunk in the middle of the night. Typical! I was sad about it for a month or so, then I started playing the game, the name of which is get over him before he gets over you. It's pretty simple, actually.

Luckily, he soured me on the idea of love altogether, paving the way for my current state of restlessness and cynicism. Happy Holidays!
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Mission Statement: [Dec. 13th, 2006|11:52 pm]
exploits of three kids in the city.
oyestheydid
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]

In a time of drunken sexual encounters resulting in an inevitable number of amusing stories, we've decided to begin electronically documenting them. Enjoy.

-Mods
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